It would be better to cut one’s toenails, because at least the repetitive task of clipping toenails results in feet more comfortably suited to sneakers, allowing for greater movement in this world.
The five-paragraph essay, by contrast, cuts all mirth and merit and motion from ideas until there is nothing to stand upon at all, leaving reader and writer alike flat on their faces.
Reading over their own work, these writers will wonder why they ever bothered with the written word to begin with, when they sound so inhuman.
A human’s voice is not slotted into bins of seven to eleven sentences apiece.
A five-paragraph essay is like a string of beads with no differentiation, such as a factory, rather than an individual, might produce.
No matter how wondrous the material, the writer of a five-paragraph essay will sound reductive, dry, and unimaginative.I only reference the scene’s reluctant, miserable consumption past all joy or desire.Third, the five-paragraph form flattens a writer’s voice more than a bully’s fist flattens an otherwise perky, loveable face.Confidence is shattered, and students can’t articulate a position, having only the training of the five-paragraph essay dulling their critical reasoning skills.Moreover, unlike Midas whose touch turns everything to gold, everything the five-paragraph essay touches turns to lead.First, the five-paragraph essay constricts an argument beyond usefulness or interest.In principle it reminds one of a three-partitioned dinner plate.If we return to the partitioned-plate analogy, foods are separated, but in food, there is a play in blending flavors, pairing them so that the sum is greater than the individual parts. Most people like dessert and anticipate it eagerly.In the five-paragraph essay there is no anticipation, only homogeneity, tedium, and death.Students don’t find their voices this way and come to college hating how they sound in writing, particularly in the essay form.As a high-school survivor of this form and now a teacher occasionally receiving it from students trying their best, I have to say I hate this abomination. Or not.] From the dawn of time, or at least the dawn of the modern high school, the five-paragraph essay has been utilized in high school classrooms.