Making the decision to get beneath the veneer of anger and speak from the most vulnerable part of your emotional core is the ticket.When you honestly speak from this place, you arouse a feeling of empathy rather than antipathy.I just got out of a relationship where the realities, needs, and expectation were not communicated clearly and let me tell you, I will take brutal honesty ANYDAY over lies.
It's hard for me to keep things inside, what a weird problem do I have. Isn't it more hurtful if he found out on his own that there were other people?
Isn't it kinda wrong to make him think you guys are exclusive if you arent?
This one simple shift is your secret to turning conflict into connection by fostering a truly intimate and loving relationship that is based on the right kind of honesty.
My sharp truth telling tounge pretty much destroyed what could have otherwise been a blessed marriage.
Honesty and simply being truthful seem, on the surface, to be one and the same concept.
Whether you’re getting it off your chest, venting, expressing yourself, airing your feelings or “just being honest," the truth about honesty is that honesty is not always the best policy.I had to tell the guy I am just starting to go out that I am also dating someone else.At the moment, it made me feel good and seemed right and honest, but now seeing it, it was completely unnecessary and actually hurtful to him.It's also important to remember that anger is never the primary emotion.When we become angry, it’s because we feel other more basic and vulnerable feelings such as hurt, sadness and fear.In my book , I talk about what I call Fight Traps, which are the dysfunctional ways that humans act out anger.These Traps consist of Open Warfare, such as Name Calling, Character Assassination, Put Downs and Sarcasm, to name but a few, and Secret Warfare, such as Silent Treatment, I Forgot, Recruiting Allies, and so on.The point here is there’s a continuum of dumping that ranges from outright physical violence on the one end of the spectrum to far subtler forms of aggression—honesty being the subtlest of all forms of assault.While we may feel temporarily relieved when we shoot off rounds of honesty, we pay a terrible price for this temporary satisfaction, as we harm our relationships and our own self-esteem (you can’t feel proud of yourself when you misbehave).The good news is you can make the decision to change the way you handle your angry feelings; to consider what you say before you speak, to ask yourself how the other person will feel before you say or do x, y or z.To consider whether what you intend to say or do will be helpful and constructive to the other person and your relationship or not.